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Published Work

Satire and Short Form Writing

McSweeney's

Points in Case

Clever Ways to Tell Your Therapist To Go To Hell Because Your Time Machine Works!

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A Brief Oral History of Babe Ruth Claiming His Bat Was a Wizard's Staff

Slackjaw

This Song Sucks Ass: A Line By Line Analysis Of “Take Me Out To The Ball Game” And How I’d Fix It

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You Just Failed To Unsheathe Excalibur From Its Stone, But I’m Giving You a Pep Talk, Superstar!

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We Saw Your Profile On Indeed And Think You’d Be A Great Match For Our Greasy Oaf Position

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Help! I Just Gave Gollum A Coca-Cola And Now He’s Freaking The Fuck Out!

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5 Times Buzz Lightyear Took Off His Suit To Reveal He Was A Decaying Man Inches From Death

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Welcome to My Sex Dungeon, Where Anything Up To and Including a Handjob Goes

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4 Times I Failed My Driving Test Because I Tried to Bring My Examiner to Busch Gardens

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Spider-Man Movies Ranked by the Severity of Pain I Experienced Passing a Kidney Stone During the Screening

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This Moving Half-Time Speech Failed to Inspire a High School Football Team Just Because They Saw Their Coach Kick a Dog Through the Goalpost Before the Game

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5 Episodes of "DuckTales" Where Winter's First Snowfall Coincided with Uncle Scrooge Explaining to His Grandnephews That Because They Were Not Human, God Would Not Welcome Them into the Kingdom of Heaven When They Died

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Greener Pastures

Red Alert: A Man Has Fallen into the Mrs. Doubtfire Cage At the Zoo

Self-Published Works

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