Things We Want to See in the Jurassic World Sequel
While Jurassic World was a perfectly serviceable reboot for the franchise, I think we can all agree that it was far from perfect. With the trailer for the sequel, Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom, recently released, now is a good time as ever to share this list of ways the sequel could improve upon its lackluster predecessor.
Fewer Dinosaurs
There were simply far too many of these things running around in the first one. One or two is fine. More than that and the film runs the risk of seriously grossing out audience. I asked several of my friends after we saw the first one and we all agreed that dinosaurs look super gross. They’re like birds with no feathers. It’s as if Universal said, “Hey you know how everyone likes birds? What if they were really big and also had no feathers? That’s going to be our new movie.” Sorry, Hollywood, but you’ll have to go back to the drawing board on this one.
A Novelty Song
At the end of the Jurassic World, I inched towards the edge of my seat. “Here we go… Time for the payoff.” But as the credits rolled, no catchy song designed to be the newest dance craze graced my ears. I have taken the liberty of writing some of the lyrics for a song that I believe will fit the role perfectly for the sequel. It is called Jurassic Stomp. “Take your left foot and stomp it down/Right down into the ground/Now let me hear you roar/Like a predator/Wave your tiny t-rex arms in the air/Look out! That velociraptor is here to scare!/You’re doing/The Jurassic Stomp.” This is just a taste, Universal. If you want the whole thing, I will need some green (and I ain’t talking about the plants that dinosaurs eat).
Chris Pratt Should Make a Joke About Being Star-Lord
One of the biggest missed opportunities of the first film is that at no point does Chris Pratt joke about also being the star of another blockbuster franchise, Guardians of the Galaxy. “Uh oh. These dinosaurs are mad…” Bryce Dallas Howard could say at one point. Then, Chris Pratt should in turn reply, “Not as mad as Thanos when I punch his big purple nose in. I hate that guy and can’t wait to punch him, as I said, in his aforementioned big purple nose.” And obviously Bryce Dallas Howard would look at him like, “What in the hell are you going on about?” The reason that this is so funny is that we as an audience know that Chris Pratt is Star-Lord, a Guardian of the Galaxy, and Thanos is a bad guy that he fights. However, Bryce Dallas Howard doesn’t exist in those movies, so it’s like an inside joke between the audience and Chris Pratt, which would make the audience feel more included, too.
Dr. John Hammond Should Be in Hell For Tampering With Nature and Playing God
In the first Jurassic World, we got a brief mention that Dr. Hammond had passed away. In the new film, at least at one point, we should leave Jurassic World and go down to Hell to see Dr. John Hammond being tortured by dinosaurs. He should then say something darkly comedic, like, “I wanted more dinosaurs, but I tells ya, now I want less of em!” This would also serve as a warning to the audience that cloning dinosaurs has its consequences.
Better Character Development
One of the weaknesses of the first film was that the characters were a bit one-dimensional and seemed more like pawns to move the plot along and see cool dinosaurs, rather than behaving like real people. This can all be solved if Chris Pratt and Bryce Dallas Howard turn into dinosaurs. The only way to fight dinosaurs, logically speaking, is to become dinosaurs. Imagine a t-rex running around, but also it’s wearing a vest and has a stubble beard. Now THAT’S a film that I would pay twelve dollars to see.
