Ideas for a Fun Halloween Night
Halloween is quickly approaching and if you don't have any plans, you may be getting a little nervous. However, there's no reason to fear anything other than ghouls, goblins, and the ticking clock that is our impending mortality this All Hallows' Eve. Here are a few ideas for how to spend the spookiest night of the year.
Solve Your Wife's Murder
It's ironic; you're a world-renowned detective, but the one case you can't solve is the one most important to you. After your wife died under mysterious circumstances on Halloween in 2007, you've been wondering what really happened. The police's official report was that she died after falling into the lake while ice skating in the middle of the night. Except your wife hated ice skating and it wasn't cold enough for the water to freeze over in the first place, so there's no way she could have been skating on that fateful night. Now, a decade later, it's time to close the case... for good.
Text a Picture of Yourself Eating a Bunch of Candy to Your Dentist to Hurt Their Feelings
Basically, what you want to do is let your dentist know that you care so little about their advice that you'll let your teeth rot out of your head before listening to them. And there's no better way than by sharing a picture of yourself struggling to chew seven fun-sized Snickers bars at once. Even eat the bad candies, like Whoppers, which take all the deliciousness of chocolate and combine it with the chalky taste of chalk, or those weird peanut marshmallow things. This will show your dentist that you're not even doing it because it tastes good, you're doing it specifically to be mean to them.
Watch A Nightmare Before Christmas and Feel Oddly Aroused When the Cliff Uncurls as Jack Skellington Steps Across It
Why am I feeling this way? It's just a curvy cliff. And yet, there's something about it that I like...
Invite a Few Friends Over for a Low-key Night of Watching Scary Movies and When They Arrive, Reveal to Them That Your House is Haunted by a Malevolent Spirit That Requires Blood Sacrifice in Order to Be Appeased
The thought of getting all dressed up in a costume (getting one together comes with its own pressures and challenges) and going to a party or a bar at night and then getting up for work the next morning can seem like more trouble than it's worth. A quiet but fun night watching some horror classics with some good friends will be more satisfying, anyway. This pattern of thinking will easily lull your friends into a false sense of security that can be exploited to your benefit when you allow the spirit of the man who was murdered in your very house 25 years ago to unleash his wrath upon them.
Carve the Image of You Working Really Hard into a Pumpkin and Give it to Your ex-Boss in Hopes That He Will Hire You Back
Look, the fact of the matter is you messed up when you lost your job. Maybe you snuck into the fridge and put a bunch of hot peppers in your boss' sandwich as a prank and it turned out he was allergic to them, so when he ate them, he almost died. Maybe you loosened the screws on his chair so he'd fall off as a prank, but when he fell off, he hit his head really hard and almost died. Or maybe you were climbing through the air vents to find a good place to nap, but your weight caused the ducts to collapse on top of your boss and he almost died, prompting him to say, "Listen, this is the third tie you've almost killed me, I'm going to have to let you go." No matter the reason, the image of you typing really fast and good at a computer carved into a pumpkin will show your boss you have both initiative and moxie, meaning that ultimately, you still deserve your job.
